My grandmother-in-law, Delphine, died today. She’d been in hospice and we all knew it was coming, but that doesn’t make it any easier. She was surrounded by her family and loved ones though, which does.
I married into a very large, and very close, family. But as tightly-knit a group as they are, I’ve never been made to feel like an outsider. If one member of their family loves you, you’re in, easy as that. And that attitude started at the top, with the matriarch. Delphine was one of the most open-minded and accepting people you could hope to meet. She was always more than happy to take in people who didn’t have anywhere else to go for a holiday or something like that. And she always made everyone feel like part of the family.
Delphine was one of my biggest fans from the start, pestering Paul about when we’d be getting married pretty much as soon as we started dating. The second time I met her, Paul was introducing me to a family member as “my girlfriend” and Delphine grabbed him by the ear and hissed “You won’t be calling her just your girlfriend for much longer, will you?”
It was about another five years before we got married, but I like to think the wedding celebration was worth the wait for everyone. Paul’s grandparents stole the show during the ceremony when the Deacon noticed they were both wearing Chuck Taylors, to match the groomsmen (and me). His were black to match Paul’s, hers were sparkly, because she thought they were pretty. I don’t know a lot of grandparents who would wear sneakers to a wedding, but it was small gestures like that– full of love and support– that made our wedding so special.
Chucks!
Rather than do a bouquet toss, Paul and I opted to do an anniversary dance, to give the bouquet to the couple who had been married the longest, which would be Paul’s grandparents. After the dance, I gave the bouquet to Delphine, and she was so surprised and excited that she got to keep the flowers. It was one of the very few times that I actually teared up that day.
This is what 64 years of love looks like.
I’m so glad that she got to see a handful of her grandchildren get married. Paul and I had to miss the most recent family wedding, but were lucky enough to stop in Illinois on our way home from a trip to Nebraska last month, and had dinner with Paul’s grandparents. Usually when I saw them it was at family gatherings, where there are tons of people present, so it was nice to have some one-on-one time with them for a change. Delphine was already not doing that well, but she was having a really good day when we stopped in. We talked about the time she’d visited and seen Paul autocross years before, and she showed me a photo album from the wedding I’d missed and told me all about it. As we were leaving, she gave Paul a hard time about his newest tattoo, and offered to get a needle and sew some strings into his arm over the fret markers. While I’m sad that Paul and I couldn’t be there at the end, I’m so grateful that we had that last chance to see her, when we could still have a conversation and tell stories, and most of all, laugh.
I feel extremely lucky to have known Delphine, and to have become part of her family. She was truly an incredible woman, and the world needs more people like her.
Fortunately, she has a really big family. And they’ve learned from the best.
My first Cousins Photo.
Writing What I Know 